Friday, November 30, 2012

Almost 3 weeks ago I woke up on a Sunday morning, anticipating getting the fam up and ready for church, when as I sat up the room began to spin wildly.  Vertigo.  I had experienced this once before, a few years ago, and immediately lost heart.   I hated it then, and I was not looking forward to this ride again.

I booked an appointment with my chiropractor right away, hoping this would be an end-all, fix-all to my vertigo and I could go on with my life within a few days, good as new.  This was not to be the case.

Fast forward to today, I still feel the room spin as I lay down and sit up.  I still feel "euphoric" off and on throughout the day.  But now I have headaches and stiff muscles to add to it.  

Am I getting better?  I think so.

Do I sound upbeat?  I try.

Truth is, I would by lying if I didn't mention the times I spent in tears crying out to God for healing.  Or the days I encounter the many anxious thoughts about my health.  I would not be giving the full story if you didn't know that I look at photos and long for the day I can be physically restored.

But that isn't the WHOLE story.  Because the focus of this story - this season in my life - is that fear is a liar.  Anxiousness is not from God.  And as I continue down this path, as long as I'm asked to endure it, I will find peace knowing that when my strength gives way, He is there and His strength is only just beginning.  When I feel completely unable to bear the pain & dizziness, He is there to get me through it.

"Am I not capable of taking the grains of sand and making a sculpture no wave could overtake?"

That thought came to me as I was praying the other day.  How true!  I have a creator that made me.  Loves me.  Cares what happens to me.  And is standing by me.

If He brings you to it.
He'll bring you through it.

Love that.

Did I post this as a pity party?  Nah.  I did it to let you know that I am real.  I shake my fist at God sometimes.  I question if He's listening.  I worry.  {and worry more}  But I always come back to the promises of Psalm 34.

If you are going through something insurmountable, try finding the peace that surpasses all understanding.


Kristen said...

Very well said. Anxiety can be a real trouble for lots of us; good job conquering it in each moment! I just read a good book called Anxious for Nothing by John MacAurthur. I strongly recommend it! Feel well soon:)

Michelle said...

Thanks Kristen! I will be looking for that book asap!