Wednesday, January 8, 2014

You mean they grow up?

 I won’t go into too many details, but let’s just say I had a moment yesterday.  

When I had kids, I was so excited for all of the firsts.  All of the family trips.  Taking walks.  Bike rides.  Playing games.  Teaching them to cook.  Sew.  Do laundry.  I was well aware that I was raising little people.  Future adults.  And I desired for them to grow up into responsible, respectful and productive members of society.  What I didn’t plan for was the heartache.  The moments when you realize it’s getting real.  Moments you become aware that they are approaching that adult phase of life faster than you are prepared for.   That’s the moment I had yesterday.  A moment where my breath caught a little in my throat.  My heart sped up slightly.  A moment where the tears that wanted so badly to well up in my eyes were forced away only to emerge now as I write this blog post.  

It was a moment that I realized my son was almost a young man.  On the cusp of his teen years.  Have I done all I could to raise him right?  Am I preparing him properly for the challenges, failures, disappointments, trials and setbacks he’ll face as he becomes older.  A moment when I became ultimately aware that I won’t and can’t always be there for him.  A moment when I knew that only prayer would get me through the years that lie ahead.  

I’m sure many parents face this time at some point.  It’s just heart-wrenching to love somebody so much and see them struggle, fail, face things only they can fix.   So I did the only thing I could think to do.  I pointed him to the Bible.  And we prayed.  And oh my goodness.  That feeling of being able to purposefully pray with your child in the moment of trial is AMAZING.  I mean, utterly incredible.  

And so, it’s small moments like this that keep it real for me.  That remind me that each moment matters.  That remind me that the rubber meets the road… now.  They aren’t getting any younger, and while I still have moments that my heart physically hurts knowing I’ll never have them little again, I know that there are amazing times to come.  Fantastic experiences with a few bumps sprinkled in.

If you are in those {early years} of parenting, with the pre-teen years still feeling like they’re eons away, enjoy the repetitive conversations.  The myriad of “why” questions.  The constant chatter of silliness in the car.  Because as those little voices become older, the questions get harder to answer.  And sometimes, you won’t even have an answer.